Life in Atlantic City

Excitement.  Glitz and Glamour. Celebrities. Gambling. Partying.  

These were the words that came to mind in the early years of Atlantic City.  When I started working for the Claridge Casino Hotel, we were a Del Webb property with no walls and offices in a motel that at best is now a little shady   It was exciting to be on the ground floor working with Vegas Executives opening a casino hotel.  Commuting from Ocean Grove definitely had me living in two worlds - reality and illusions.  I helped to write the submission for the Division of Gaming Enforcement so that the casino could open - lots of paperwork and lots of rules.

As opening came near, we began hiring employees which is when my aunt, Elsie Weston, joined the security team. We were ships passing in the night from Ocean Grove because she worked 2nd shift and I was days.  The opening came and went with the day to day operations being some what mundane. As the youngest female security supervisor Del Webb ever had, it was a constant struggle to prove myself.  The November after we opened, there was a shift in management and the 3 youngest Security Supervisors were terminated due to a restructuring of our positions.  I was devastated and finding work in the casinos was tough for me.  See opening a casino is much different than actually working the floor in one. So without a new casino opening, I would resort to finding work in an office at half the salary and with a totally different way of life.  I wasn't sure what to do at a 9 - 5pm, Monday to Friday job after being in a 24/7 business for so long.  I longed to get back into AC but not in a casino.

I began volunteering with the local Crime Stoppers and as a result helped to put together their National Conference in Atlantic City.  It was exciting for me to be back in the 24/7 life.  Adele Black, Sales Manager of the then Deauville Hotel was the hotel contact that later offered me a job.  I was back in AC working in the Sales Department.  Booking casino bus trips, greeting buses, booking conferences and now looking for a new way to get back into the casino but in the sales departments.  Another phase in my "previous life" began in hotel/ casino sales.  I ended up back at the Claridge for a short period of time working in Hotel Sales but left to help Adele open her own business - Atlantic City Hotel Reservations Center.  It was this transition that changed my life - it was during this time that my addictions would surface and I began to live the 24/7 fantasy life of Atlantic City.

I am sure that some are wondering why I am sharing all of this - who cares, right?  Well, I hope that some of the trials that I share during my Saturday personal stories will touch someone's heart and help them.  See, the path I am on today is a blessing from God that I truly believe was laid out long ago.  The problem was that I got in the way and lost sight of his will while I was putting other things before him.  So as doors closed, windows of opportunities opened - some I grabbed, others I didn't and those I did grab were for the wrong reasons.  Learn from your past for it will help you to shape your future.  Change is possible if you are willing to forgive yourself for those mistakes and move on.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!  

  

Happy Saturday...

Good Morning Everyone!  Here is to the start of a great weekend..  

It has been 84 days of blogging - sharing all of the random tidbits of information that have been stored away in my brain for all of these years.  Sometimes I don't even know what I know.  Crazy, right?  Today's post is going to let you get to know me a little bit better.  I know I may loose some readers here but it is a chance I am willing to take since I don't do it often.  I figure every few weeks, I would share some personal stuff to let you in on life as Hope.

After graduating from Ocean Township High School, I headed off to Roger Williams College (which is now a University) in Bristol, Rhode Island.  A small school on the coast of Rhode Island about 20 minutes from Newport.  I started out in Education but quickly changed my major to Administration of Justice.  I actually excelled in these classes, unlike my first semester of freshman year when I almost flunked out.  This Jersey Girl never let the sand leave my shoes even when I wasn't in NJ, I was always close to a beach.  After graduation, I stayed in Rhode Island to work for the Governor's Justice Commission.  A fancy title for a Program person that wrote evaluations and recommendations on services that were available in the Juvenile Justice system for at risk youth in Rhode Island.  My first "funded" position through a grant and I had no clue what it all meant.  I truly thought that I could make a difference.  About 6-months into the job,  my Aunt Elsie sent me a job posting for Neptune Township for the Police Department.  I applied and actually got the job!  WOW!  I was headed back home.

Don't get nervous folks, I wasn't a police officer - I was a Crime Prevention Specialist.   Fancy title, huh?  Basically, I along with Howard O'Neill who was a cop, were to do crime prevention seminars, rape prevention classes, home safety checks, etc in the community.  You remember McGruff the Crime Dog?  We were partners with him.  It was a job back home and I enjoyed being home, close to family and back at my roots on the Jersey Shore.  For those that have heard me tell the story of why I answer to the name "Heather" this is why.  It was at this job that the Police Commissioner for the ENTIRE time I worked there called me Heather.  I guess that she either didn't like my name or really wanted Heather for the job.  

The casinos opened in Atlantic City and I went to AC for the first time to see the casinos.  There was lots of excitement and the listings for available jobs was long.  At this point, the only casino was Resorts but there were many building and looking for employees. I came back to Neptune and put my resume together.  Never thinking that I had shot.  You guessed it, I got called for an interview by the Director of Security, Gordon Jenkins, for the Claridge Casino Hotel.  The interview was at a little coffee shop in AC at one of the converted motels that was being used for offices.  Gordon was from Las Vegas and was brought in to set things up.  A sweet man who was looking for a secretary that could transition into an Administrator as they go closer to opening.  He always had a smile on his face and loved to have breakfast meetings.  In fact, this is where I developed the habit of putting strawberry jam on cheese omelets.  Don't knock it till you tried it!  He offered me the job and I jumped on it.  More money.  The excitement of AC.  This was when commuting became a part of my life.  I traveled 5 days a week from Ocean Grove to AC for many months....This was the first part of what I often call "my previous" life.

Just like my direct sales business, I have been on the roller coaster of life.  All of my experiences have shaped me into who I am.  I hope that you enjoyed a glimpse into my "previous" life.  For those that are wondering, how did she get from there to here?  I will share more as time goes on and the urge hits.

Treasure your memories, learn from your past and your mistakes, then use the things your have learned to grow in your personal development which will help you in your business.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Memories of My Buddy

I can hardly believe it has been 14 years since I heard your voice.  Fourteen years since I smelled snickerdoodles baking in the kitchen (I love to cook but am not a good baker). Fourteen years since we spent hours talking.  Elsie Marie Weston, my mom's baby sister, lost her battle with breast cancer 14 years ago and will forever be known as one of the strongest women I had the pleasure of knowing.  

Elsie's battle with lumps on her breast started when she was about 18 years old.  Always removed and always were not cancerous, then the diagnosis came - you have breast cancer.  She had her first mastectomy about 1990 while she was working in Atlantic City at the Claridge Casino.   Her second reconstructive surgery about 5 plus years later to replace a leaking implant, bone cancer and finally the loss of her eyesight.  She went through medication regimines, chemotherapy and physical therapy.  She continued to fight through it all.

Sure, Elsie was family - my Aunt but she was also my best friend.  Growing up, Elsie was privilege to some of my deepest secrets.  I may have been the pesty niece that she was forced to babysit when I was little but that changed.  She visited me in college.  We partied at the Headliner when we both worked for Neptune Township.  We both went to Atlantic City to open the Claridge Casino.  We were roomates - Tuckerton and Somers Point.  We weathered hurricanes, blizzards and life itself.    Elsie was there when Belinda Heldreth  was born - she even cut the cord before heading out to attend a wedding.

Elsie and Belinda were buddies.  From the time Belinda was born she was there to help.  When I was in detox and rehab, she made sure life remained as normal as possible.  I remember being in detox, not being able to have visitors - she helped Belinda make a sign and they stood outside the hospital window to show their support.  When I came home from rehab, Elsie took us in as we had been temporarily (3 months) evicted from our own home.

When Elsie left the Claridge and opened Small Wonders, a gift shop in Ocean Grove, Belinda and I traveled up on weekends to help out in the store.  Belinda spent many hours with Elsie and her sister, Edythe.  They traveled, taught Belinda to cook and bake while spending countless hours watching Disney videos.  As the cancer spread, life got a little tougher for Elsie.  She began to loose her eyesight but she was still determined to work every day in her store.  We all helped - Belinda even learned how to work the register and run credit cards at the ripe old age of 10 so that she could work in the store as Elsie was going blind.

Belinda put together one of her famous surprise parties for Elsie's 50th birthday.  Elsie was mad at first but she never stayed mad at Belinda for long.  That would be her last birthday with us.  On May 23rd, Elsie was admitted into the hospital - she had lost 95% of her eyesight to cancer and had given up her will to live.  Seven days later she became another Weston Angel - joining her parents in heaven.

The imprint that she left on the world will long be remembered by all of us.  She was a fighter.  She was loving & kind.  She was Belinda's Buddy!  A day doesn't go by that I don't think about her.  As I was sitting in Jersey Shore with Rob this week, the last week with Elsie replayed in my head.  Memories flooded in but then a calm came over me and I knew that everything would be okay - see all my Weston angels were with me as I spent the night - Mom-mom, Pop-pop, Elsie and Edythe.  Thank you my angels for being with me this week as we sat in the same hospital during the same week 14 years ago...the blessing, Rob is home.

Elsie, I miss you and I am sure that I didn't tell you enough how much I loved you. Belinda made this montage of pictures.  Elsie & Belinda (top); Belinda & I (middle) and Edythe & Belinda (bottom).  Cherish the moments today - the good, the bad and the ugly for life is precious.  Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.

In Sickness and In Health

This morning, I am sitting at the hospital waiting... Rob is having a right and left heart catherization today.  To me it is a lot of complex terms that I don't understand.  About 4 weeks ago, he went to the primary doctor for what we thought was a sinus problem.  After almost 3 weeks, he was getting worse instead of better.  Due to his past heart attack, they started to do tests.  The end result - a leaking valve, a weakened heart muscle, irregular heart beats and  pressure around his heart/ lungs (unknown cause).  

During all of this, I have come to better understand my marriage vows.  I know, strange, right? All of this testing in on the eve of our SECOND wedding anniversary.  Rob and I have been together for almost 11 years but only got married 2 years ago.  His second marriage and my first.  Tonight, we were supposed to be in Atlantic City celebrating with dinner and fun at Harrah's which is his favorite spot.  Instead, we are learning to be a team "in sickness".

I am a caregiver by nature - helped my mom after her car accident, helped both my aunts as they struggled and then lost their battle with cancer, and helped my dad as he went for testing. I remember my grandmother taking care of my grandfather at home while he died of lung cancer.    Her countless hours spent caring for him because he wanted to be at home and not in a hospital.  I never thought about what it would really mean in my married life.  I just figured it would be the same social worker/ caregiver mode but it isn't.  My heart breaks seeing him uncomfortable and struggling to keep our life normal. 

My hubby is not a good patient, frustrated with being sick; he hates to be taken care of by anyone.  Most of all he is not good at sharing how he feels about being sick or what is happening.  Thankfully, he has let me be in the exam room so that I can ask questions and try to understand all of this.  He is good at being short-tempered and then apologizing.  Honestly, I am not sure what happened when he had his heart attack 15 plus years ago but from what I can tell, his first wife did not handle things the same way.  I am not saying there was anything wrong with it but it just makes it difficult for us to communicate about health issues now.  Despite my reassurance, I think Rob is afraid that I will leave, not being able to deal with the health issues.  WRONG!  When we married, I made a commitment that I intend to honor - no matter how cranky he gets.

Through all of this, I am growing and becoming more of the wife that I want to be.  The independent, do things on my own without talking them over days are drifting away.  We are a team.  I am blessed to have a hubby who loves me despite the fact that I make him crazy.  I have spent a lot of time in reflection and prayer with God whose arms comfort me when I am weary.  It is with his help and that of my Thirty One sisters that I am learning what marriage is truly about.

If you are married, take a moment to think about your wedding vows...don't let life get in the way.  Work, kids, debt - whatever the struggle can all be worked out when you focus on those vows you took oh so long ago.  Cherish the little moments for life is too short and can be gone in a moment.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.

Birthday Reflection

Happy Birthday - to ME!  Since today is my 56th birthday, I am reflecting on the many blessings of my life.  First, I am grateful that I actually woke up this morning and am able to enjoy the day - whatever it may bring.  

My favorite adult birthday memory was a "surprise party" that Belinda planned for me with the help of her two great aunts - Edythe and Elsie.  It was for my 40th birthday and my FIRST surprise party.  It was a special day for two reasons - it was Belinda's idea and it was the first time in too many years that my divorced parents were in the same room at the same time.  Belinda was all of 9 years old so it was amazing that she got the whole thing together.  Of course, the fact that I arrived in sweats and a tee shirt because I thought I was "stopping by" to help with something at the fire house was a little horrifying but funny since I almost didn't arrive at the party.  When I arrived, Belinda started to cry because she took the look of surprise for a look of "being mad" and didn't understand that the tears were tears of joy. The next was the decorations - "OVER THE HILL" theme everywhere.  Belinda picked them out.  So the standing joke is if I was "over the hill at 40" what am I now?  It was a great day and I was overwhelmed by the love from family and friends.

As a child, there are lots of memories of birthday celebrations.  One of things that I looked forward to each year was the annual trip to New York City to see the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus.  This annual tradition was a treat from Edythe and Elsie.  It included the circus and dinner in NY.  I always felt so grown up!  This year, I am getting a chance to see the circus in North Carolina with Belinda and hubby.  I am excited because I haven't been to a Ringling Brothers Circus since I was about 13 years old.  I am sure there may be a tear or two that day for Belinda used to go to the circus with Edythe and Elsie too.  Both of them are now our guardians angels in heaven.  If I figure out how to post pictures on this blog - I will share some.

Birthdays are milestones in our lives. For many years during my addictions and then even in my recovery, I saw "birthdays" as just another day or "I am too old to celebrate birthdays" - I even said that on many occasions.  Today, I am looking at them a little differently - have I grown up?  have I learned that I deserve to celebrate (even in a small way) my birthday?  I am not sure what the reason is but TODAY is the day that I stop saying "it is just another day".  It is a gift from God  to be able to spend another day with family and friends.  The celebration doesn't need to be big, it doesn't need to have lots of presents (one or two, maybe - LOL) and it definitely NEEDS to include thanks for the many blessings that I have been given through the years.  I was blessed with a family that loves and supports me despite our many faults.  I have been blessed with a child who has grown into an amazing woman.  I have been blessed with a husband who loves me unconditionally despite how crazy I make him.  These are the gifts that I celebrate on my birthday this year.

Happy Birthday to me!  Hope you have ThirtyOne-derful day!

Earth Day Memories

Monday, April 22nd has become know as Earth Day....we all strive to be eco-friendly by recycling paper, plastic and glass.  We take "green" bags to the grocery store and look to buy organic vegetables and meat.

For me, I have memories of a simpler time.  I know, I sound like I am 100 - no just a soon to be 56!  I remember the first Earth Day in 1970.  I was attending Dow Avenue School and everyone wanted to do something.  We wore earth shoes and cleaned up the parks and woods.  I remember walking to school (about 5 miles one way) with a group of friends to bring attention to how the buses were polluting our air.  Walking to school was one thing but then we remembered that we needed to walk home AFTER school.  Not part of the original plan.  I remember cleaning up a local roadside with my aunts - Edythe and Elsie - stepping on a nail, a rusty nail to be more exact.  So my clean up now involved a trip to the ER AND a tetanus shot.  Earth shoes were all the rage.  They may not have been pretty but they were supposed to be good for you and help the environment.

The years have passed and Earth Day has taken on a new and bigger meaning.  Holes in the ozone layer. Recycling has become mandatory by local townships. Everyone is pitching in and helping to clean up our beaches, parks, and roadsides.  As for me, I am renewing my commitment to do the things that we started to do so many years ago to help in preserving the world for my grandchildren since my daughter is grown and doing her own part on to help save the world.

What will you do to be a part of the "green living" world?  Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.

A Chapter Ends

 A bittersweet moment on Tuesday... for the last 6 years, I have been holding the mortgage on our old home (a double wide trailer in Atlantic County).  The buyer was a single mom with 4 kids who has struggled with growing up over the last 6 years.  A milestone for both of us, the mortgage has been paid in full.  WOW!  Who would have thought it would have been such an emotional day!

When I look back on the 22 years that I have owned the trailer, I can't help but think of the memories - good and bad.  As my daughter Belinda Heldreth said, it was the only home she ever knew.  My hubby, Rob, shared about how we became a couple and struggled to become a family.  As for me, I can't even begin to share all of the memories that are wrapped up in our old home.  The remodeling that was done by us - Belinda & I along with my aunts Edythe & Elsie.  The Christmases spent decorating the house and setting up Belinda's Department 56 village.  The family dinners.  The tears as we came to terms with my grandmother's Alzheimers and the need to place her in a nursing home.  The years that Elsie lived down the street so "her buddy" Belinda got to visit daily.  The week-end home that Edythe had around the corner so that we could all help take care of Grams as she got sick.  The list goes on, and the tears are again flowing.  I never thought that it would hit me this hard.

That chapter of my life is closed, worn like a good book that will be opened and revisited through pictures and stories for years to come.  It is a new chapter for Julie and her family.  A single mom who I have seen grow into a women who is working towards opening her own business.  Someone who actually thanked me for the tough love and the support along the way.  In her own way, she was a blessing to me.  A reminder of where I was, how far I have come  and the importance of giving back in some small way to others who may be struggling.  Something that I have tried to do since I got into recovery those 22 years ago.  

As a chapter ends, a new one begins.  Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!

Random thoughts

Good Morning Everyone - today is one of those mornings when I don't have much to say.  AMAZING, right?  LOL.  Just some random thoughts to clear my head.  

Words can't describe the emotions that I had on Monday when I heard about the bombing in Boston at the marathon.  My thoughts quickly reverted to that dreadful morning on 9-11.  The day of the dreadful shooting on the Virginia Tech campus.  The days were similar.  No one was expecting anything this horrific to happen. Lives lost and lives changed forever.  These days brought me to tears of gratitude for the safety of my family and friends.  911 and the VT shootings could have had different impacts on my life as family and close friends were "too close for comfort" to the events of those days.

During times like these, I reflect on all of the blessings in my life.  Whether those blessings have come through trials or whether we see them as precious gifts - we have all been given them.  My blessings include my family - although we don't see each other as often as I would like (life always gets in the way) they are always in my thoughts and prayers.  The people that God has placed in my life for sometimes just a moment, for a season or for a lifetime are a precious gift. The trials of my life include my battle with drugs, my bulimia, cancer that struck and took my grandfather, my Aunts - Edythe & Elsie and Alzheimer's that took my grandmother all helped to shape me into the person that I am today.  The greatest blessing of all is my daughter, Belinda Heldreth and of course my hubby, Rob.  

What are your blessings?  Think about all of the things - good or bad - in your life that have helped to shape and guide you to where you are.  Hug the ones that you love and tell them that you love them.  Reach out to old friends when you are thinking about them instead of waiting for the "perfect moment".  Life is short.  God has a plan for all of us and although we don't know what it is, we need to savor every moment.  Take the good with the bad.  Turn it over to God and he will get you through it.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings... Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.