This morning, I am sitting at the hospital waiting... Rob is having a right and left heart catherization today. To me it is a lot of complex terms that I don't understand. About 4 weeks ago, he went to the primary doctor for what we thought was a sinus problem. After almost 3 weeks, he was getting worse instead of better. Due to his past heart attack, they started to do tests. The end result - a leaking valve, a weakened heart muscle, irregular heart beats and pressure around his heart/ lungs (unknown cause).
During all of this, I have come to better understand my marriage vows. I know, strange, right? All of this testing in on the eve of our SECOND wedding anniversary. Rob and I have been together for almost 11 years but only got married 2 years ago. His second marriage and my first. Tonight, we were supposed to be in Atlantic City celebrating with dinner and fun at Harrah's which is his favorite spot. Instead, we are learning to be a team "in sickness".
I am a caregiver by nature - helped my mom after her car accident, helped both my aunts as they struggled and then lost their battle with cancer, and helped my dad as he went for testing. I remember my grandmother taking care of my grandfather at home while he died of lung cancer. Her countless hours spent caring for him because he wanted to be at home and not in a hospital. I never thought about what it would really mean in my married life. I just figured it would be the same social worker/ caregiver mode but it isn't. My heart breaks seeing him uncomfortable and struggling to keep our life normal.
My hubby is not a good patient, frustrated with being sick; he hates to be taken care of by anyone. Most of all he is not good at sharing how he feels about being sick or what is happening. Thankfully, he has let me be in the exam room so that I can ask questions and try to understand all of this. He is good at being short-tempered and then apologizing. Honestly, I am not sure what happened when he had his heart attack 15 plus years ago but from what I can tell, his first wife did not handle things the same way. I am not saying there was anything wrong with it but it just makes it difficult for us to communicate about health issues now. Despite my reassurance, I think Rob is afraid that I will leave, not being able to deal with the health issues. WRONG! When we married, I made a commitment that I intend to honor - no matter how cranky he gets.
Through all of this, I am growing and becoming more of the wife that I want to be. The independent, do things on my own without talking them over days are drifting away. We are a team. I am blessed to have a hubby who loves me despite the fact that I make him crazy. I have spent a lot of time in reflection and prayer with God whose arms comfort me when I am weary. It is with his help and that of my Thirty One sisters that I am learning what marriage is truly about.
If you are married, take a moment to think about your wedding vows...don't let life get in the way. Work, kids, debt - whatever the struggle can all be worked out when you focus on those vows you took oh so long ago. Cherish the little moments for life is too short and can be gone in a moment.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.
Showing posts with label Edythe Weston. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edythe Weston. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Birthday Reflection
Happy Birthday - to ME! Since today is my 56th birthday, I am reflecting on the many blessings of my life. First, I am grateful that I actually woke up this morning and am able to enjoy the day - whatever it may bring.
My favorite adult birthday memory was a "surprise party" that Belinda planned for me with the help of her two great aunts - Edythe and Elsie. It was for my 40th birthday and my FIRST surprise party. It was a special day for two reasons - it was Belinda's idea and it was the first time in too many years that my divorced parents were in the same room at the same time. Belinda was all of 9 years old so it was amazing that she got the whole thing together. Of course, the fact that I arrived in sweats and a tee shirt because I thought I was "stopping by" to help with something at the fire house was a little horrifying but funny since I almost didn't arrive at the party. When I arrived, Belinda started to cry because she took the look of surprise for a look of "being mad" and didn't understand that the tears were tears of joy. The next was the decorations - "OVER THE HILL" theme everywhere. Belinda picked them out. So the standing joke is if I was "over the hill at 40" what am I now? It was a great day and I was overwhelmed by the love from family and friends.
As a child, there are lots of memories of birthday celebrations. One of things that I looked forward to each year was the annual trip to New York City to see the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus. This annual tradition was a treat from Edythe and Elsie. It included the circus and dinner in NY. I always felt so grown up! This year, I am getting a chance to see the circus in North Carolina with Belinda and hubby. I am excited because I haven't been to a Ringling Brothers Circus since I was about 13 years old. I am sure there may be a tear or two that day for Belinda used to go to the circus with Edythe and Elsie too. Both of them are now our guardians angels in heaven. If I figure out how to post pictures on this blog - I will share some.
Birthdays are milestones in our lives. For many years during my addictions and then even in my recovery, I saw "birthdays" as just another day or "I am too old to celebrate birthdays" - I even said that on many occasions. Today, I am looking at them a little differently - have I grown up? have I learned that I deserve to celebrate (even in a small way) my birthday? I am not sure what the reason is but TODAY is the day that I stop saying "it is just another day". It is a gift from God to be able to spend another day with family and friends. The celebration doesn't need to be big, it doesn't need to have lots of presents (one or two, maybe - LOL) and it definitely NEEDS to include thanks for the many blessings that I have been given through the years. I was blessed with a family that loves and supports me despite our many faults. I have been blessed with a child who has grown into an amazing woman. I have been blessed with a husband who loves me unconditionally despite how crazy I make him. These are the gifts that I celebrate on my birthday this year.
Happy Birthday to me! Hope you have ThirtyOne-derful day!
My favorite adult birthday memory was a "surprise party" that Belinda planned for me with the help of her two great aunts - Edythe and Elsie. It was for my 40th birthday and my FIRST surprise party. It was a special day for two reasons - it was Belinda's idea and it was the first time in too many years that my divorced parents were in the same room at the same time. Belinda was all of 9 years old so it was amazing that she got the whole thing together. Of course, the fact that I arrived in sweats and a tee shirt because I thought I was "stopping by" to help with something at the fire house was a little horrifying but funny since I almost didn't arrive at the party. When I arrived, Belinda started to cry because she took the look of surprise for a look of "being mad" and didn't understand that the tears were tears of joy. The next was the decorations - "OVER THE HILL" theme everywhere. Belinda picked them out. So the standing joke is if I was "over the hill at 40" what am I now? It was a great day and I was overwhelmed by the love from family and friends.
As a child, there are lots of memories of birthday celebrations. One of things that I looked forward to each year was the annual trip to New York City to see the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus. This annual tradition was a treat from Edythe and Elsie. It included the circus and dinner in NY. I always felt so grown up! This year, I am getting a chance to see the circus in North Carolina with Belinda and hubby. I am excited because I haven't been to a Ringling Brothers Circus since I was about 13 years old. I am sure there may be a tear or two that day for Belinda used to go to the circus with Edythe and Elsie too. Both of them are now our guardians angels in heaven. If I figure out how to post pictures on this blog - I will share some.
Birthdays are milestones in our lives. For many years during my addictions and then even in my recovery, I saw "birthdays" as just another day or "I am too old to celebrate birthdays" - I even said that on many occasions. Today, I am looking at them a little differently - have I grown up? have I learned that I deserve to celebrate (even in a small way) my birthday? I am not sure what the reason is but TODAY is the day that I stop saying "it is just another day". It is a gift from God to be able to spend another day with family and friends. The celebration doesn't need to be big, it doesn't need to have lots of presents (one or two, maybe - LOL) and it definitely NEEDS to include thanks for the many blessings that I have been given through the years. I was blessed with a family that loves and supports me despite our many faults. I have been blessed with a child who has grown into an amazing woman. I have been blessed with a husband who loves me unconditionally despite how crazy I make him. These are the gifts that I celebrate on my birthday this year.
Happy Birthday to me! Hope you have ThirtyOne-derful day!
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Centra State Hospital Cancer Care Benefit
Happy Saturday morning Everyone - I am up early and out the door to support an AMAZING cause - the Cancer Care Unit at Centra State Hospital in Freehold. I will be joining lots of other vendors in the atrium today from 9AM - 5PM - partying Thirty One style.
This the first time that I have stepped into Centra State Hospital since September 11, 2011. It is because of the care, support and dedication of the staff at the Cancer Care Unit that I am doing this event. On that day, my aunt, Edythe Weston passed away from a 14-month long battle with cancer. I know that it may not seem like a long time to battle this crazy disease but what she didn't know was that she had actually been battling it for years. See the cancer had already spread throughout her body yet she had NO symptoms. Edythe was diagnosed with kidney cancer in July 2010 when she went to the ER for a bad cold. She had been sick for about a week and wasn't getting any better so she agreed to go to the ER. X-rays showed two spots on her lungs and further testing revealed the main cancer was in her kidney. Then began the treatments, the multiple doctor visits and the battle that would finally take her that day.
During the months and days leading up to her death, I spent many days there visiting her, sharing memories and just reconnecting. There were lots of great memories to share - trips to NY for shows and the circus, movies, adventures galore. When my drug addiction came to light, Edythe was one of my biggest supporters. She was there to encourage me, help me through the tough days and lend a hand when caring for Belinda. Every year she faithfully sent me a card to celebrate my recovery and tell me how proud she was of me. When Belinda was born, she was always there to help out - babysitting, creating memories for Belinda that would last her lifetime. We drifted apart for many years - when we reconnected, we didn't even understand the reason why - time we couldn't get back. Years lost of making more memories. Edythe didn't hold a grudge, she was just grateful that she was able to reconnect with Belinda and I. She had a giving spirit and as her dad (my PopPop) would, she would do anything for anyone.
Is there someone in your life that you have lost touch with? Don't let a minute go by that you don't make amends - especially if you don't even know why you lost touch. Life is too short and too priceless to take for granted.
Okay, so I went off track for a minute....The staff in the Cancer Care Unit were always willing to go that extra mile to help us out. It wasn't just a job but their passion. On the day that Edythe went to visit the rest of the Weston clan in heaven - even her doctor came and spent several hours (on a Sunday) with us to help us along the way. The hospital staff made sure that we were not bothered so that we could have our final moments with Edythe in peace.
People often talk about going to NY or Phillie for treatment - stating that the doctors here are not as good. As for me, I would go to Centra State Cancer Care Unit before traveling a long distance to seek good medical care because they are GREAT! Stop by and support a great cause. I know that I will be thanking the nurses and staff today for all that they did for us during our time spent in their unit.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!
This the first time that I have stepped into Centra State Hospital since September 11, 2011. It is because of the care, support and dedication of the staff at the Cancer Care Unit that I am doing this event. On that day, my aunt, Edythe Weston passed away from a 14-month long battle with cancer. I know that it may not seem like a long time to battle this crazy disease but what she didn't know was that she had actually been battling it for years. See the cancer had already spread throughout her body yet she had NO symptoms. Edythe was diagnosed with kidney cancer in July 2010 when she went to the ER for a bad cold. She had been sick for about a week and wasn't getting any better so she agreed to go to the ER. X-rays showed two spots on her lungs and further testing revealed the main cancer was in her kidney. Then began the treatments, the multiple doctor visits and the battle that would finally take her that day.
During the months and days leading up to her death, I spent many days there visiting her, sharing memories and just reconnecting. There were lots of great memories to share - trips to NY for shows and the circus, movies, adventures galore. When my drug addiction came to light, Edythe was one of my biggest supporters. She was there to encourage me, help me through the tough days and lend a hand when caring for Belinda. Every year she faithfully sent me a card to celebrate my recovery and tell me how proud she was of me. When Belinda was born, she was always there to help out - babysitting, creating memories for Belinda that would last her lifetime. We drifted apart for many years - when we reconnected, we didn't even understand the reason why - time we couldn't get back. Years lost of making more memories. Edythe didn't hold a grudge, she was just grateful that she was able to reconnect with Belinda and I. She had a giving spirit and as her dad (my PopPop) would, she would do anything for anyone.
Is there someone in your life that you have lost touch with? Don't let a minute go by that you don't make amends - especially if you don't even know why you lost touch. Life is too short and too priceless to take for granted.
Okay, so I went off track for a minute....The staff in the Cancer Care Unit were always willing to go that extra mile to help us out. It wasn't just a job but their passion. On the day that Edythe went to visit the rest of the Weston clan in heaven - even her doctor came and spent several hours (on a Sunday) with us to help us along the way. The hospital staff made sure that we were not bothered so that we could have our final moments with Edythe in peace.
People often talk about going to NY or Phillie for treatment - stating that the doctors here are not as good. As for me, I would go to Centra State Cancer Care Unit before traveling a long distance to seek good medical care because they are GREAT! Stop by and support a great cause. I know that I will be thanking the nurses and staff today for all that they did for us during our time spent in their unit.
Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Earth Day Memories
Monday, April 22nd has become know as Earth Day....we all strive to be eco-friendly by recycling paper, plastic and glass. We take "green" bags to the grocery store and look to buy organic vegetables and meat.
For me, I have memories of a simpler time. I know, I sound like I am 100 - no just a soon to be 56! I remember the first Earth Day in 1970. I was attending Dow Avenue School and everyone wanted to do something. We wore earth shoes and cleaned up the parks and woods. I remember walking to school (about 5 miles one way) with a group of friends to bring attention to how the buses were polluting our air. Walking to school was one thing but then we remembered that we needed to walk home AFTER school. Not part of the original plan. I remember cleaning up a local roadside with my aunts - Edythe and Elsie - stepping on a nail, a rusty nail to be more exact. So my clean up now involved a trip to the ER AND a tetanus shot. Earth shoes were all the rage. They may not have been pretty but they were supposed to be good for you and help the environment.
The years have passed and Earth Day has taken on a new and bigger meaning. Holes in the ozone layer. Recycling has become mandatory by local townships. Everyone is pitching in and helping to clean up our beaches, parks, and roadsides. As for me, I am renewing my commitment to do the things that we started to do so many years ago to help in preserving the world for my grandchildren since my daughter is grown and doing her own part on to help save the world.
What will you do to be a part of the "green living" world? Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.
For me, I have memories of a simpler time. I know, I sound like I am 100 - no just a soon to be 56! I remember the first Earth Day in 1970. I was attending Dow Avenue School and everyone wanted to do something. We wore earth shoes and cleaned up the parks and woods. I remember walking to school (about 5 miles one way) with a group of friends to bring attention to how the buses were polluting our air. Walking to school was one thing but then we remembered that we needed to walk home AFTER school. Not part of the original plan. I remember cleaning up a local roadside with my aunts - Edythe and Elsie - stepping on a nail, a rusty nail to be more exact. So my clean up now involved a trip to the ER AND a tetanus shot. Earth shoes were all the rage. They may not have been pretty but they were supposed to be good for you and help the environment.
The years have passed and Earth Day has taken on a new and bigger meaning. Holes in the ozone layer. Recycling has become mandatory by local townships. Everyone is pitching in and helping to clean up our beaches, parks, and roadsides. As for me, I am renewing my commitment to do the things that we started to do so many years ago to help in preserving the world for my grandchildren since my daughter is grown and doing her own part on to help save the world.
What will you do to be a part of the "green living" world? Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
A Chapter Ends
A bittersweet moment on Tuesday... for the last 6 years, I have been holding the mortgage on our old home (a double wide trailer in Atlantic County). The buyer was a single mom with 4 kids who has struggled with growing up over the last 6 years. A milestone for both of us, the mortgage has been paid in full. WOW! Who would have thought it would have been such an emotional day!
When I look back on the 22 years that I have owned the trailer, I can't help but think of the memories - good and bad. As my daughter Belinda Heldreth said, it was the only home she ever knew. My hubby, Rob, shared about how we became a couple and struggled to become a family. As for me, I can't even begin to share all of the memories that are wrapped up in our old home. The remodeling that was done by us - Belinda & I along with my aunts Edythe & Elsie. The Christmases spent decorating the house and setting up Belinda's Department 56 village. The family dinners. The tears as we came to terms with my grandmother's Alzheimers and the need to place her in a nursing home. The years that Elsie lived down the street so "her buddy" Belinda got to visit daily. The week-end home that Edythe had around the corner so that we could all help take care of Grams as she got sick. The list goes on, and the tears are again flowing. I never thought that it would hit me this hard.
That chapter of my life is closed, worn like a good book that will be opened and revisited through pictures and stories for years to come. It is a new chapter for Julie and her family. A single mom who I have seen grow into a women who is working towards opening her own business. Someone who actually thanked me for the tough love and the support along the way. In her own way, she was a blessing to me. A reminder of where I was, how far I have come and the importance of giving back in some small way to others who may be struggling. Something that I have tried to do since I got into recovery those 22 years ago.
As a chapter ends, a new one begins. Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!
When I look back on the 22 years that I have owned the trailer, I can't help but think of the memories - good and bad. As my daughter Belinda Heldreth said, it was the only home she ever knew. My hubby, Rob, shared about how we became a couple and struggled to become a family. As for me, I can't even begin to share all of the memories that are wrapped up in our old home. The remodeling that was done by us - Belinda & I along with my aunts Edythe & Elsie. The Christmases spent decorating the house and setting up Belinda's Department 56 village. The family dinners. The tears as we came to terms with my grandmother's Alzheimers and the need to place her in a nursing home. The years that Elsie lived down the street so "her buddy" Belinda got to visit daily. The week-end home that Edythe had around the corner so that we could all help take care of Grams as she got sick. The list goes on, and the tears are again flowing. I never thought that it would hit me this hard.
That chapter of my life is closed, worn like a good book that will be opened and revisited through pictures and stories for years to come. It is a new chapter for Julie and her family. A single mom who I have seen grow into a women who is working towards opening her own business. Someone who actually thanked me for the tough love and the support along the way. In her own way, she was a blessing to me. A reminder of where I was, how far I have come and the importance of giving back in some small way to others who may be struggling. Something that I have tried to do since I got into recovery those 22 years ago.
As a chapter ends, a new one begins. Have a ThirtyOne-derful day!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Random thoughts
Good Morning Everyone - today is one of those mornings when I don't have much to say. AMAZING, right? LOL. Just some random thoughts to clear my head.
Words can't describe the emotions that I had on Monday when I heard about the bombing in Boston at the marathon. My thoughts quickly reverted to that dreadful morning on 9-11. The day of the dreadful shooting on the Virginia Tech campus. The days were similar. No one was expecting anything this horrific to happen. Lives lost and lives changed forever. These days brought me to tears of gratitude for the safety of my family and friends. 911 and the VT shootings could have had different impacts on my life as family and close friends were "too close for comfort" to the events of those days.
During times like these, I reflect on all of the blessings in my life. Whether those blessings have come through trials or whether we see them as precious gifts - we have all been given them. My blessings include my family - although we don't see each other as often as I would like (life always gets in the way) they are always in my thoughts and prayers. The people that God has placed in my life for sometimes just a moment, for a season or for a lifetime are a precious gift. The trials of my life include my battle with drugs, my bulimia, cancer that struck and took my grandfather, my Aunts - Edythe & Elsie and Alzheimer's that took my grandmother all helped to shape me into the person that I am today. The greatest blessing of all is my daughter, Belinda Heldreth and of course my hubby, Rob.
What are your blessings? Think about all of the things - good or bad - in your life that have helped to shape and guide you to where you are. Hug the ones that you love and tell them that you love them. Reach out to old friends when you are thinking about them instead of waiting for the "perfect moment". Life is short. God has a plan for all of us and although we don't know what it is, we need to savor every moment. Take the good with the bad. Turn it over to God and he will get you through it.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings... Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.
Words can't describe the emotions that I had on Monday when I heard about the bombing in Boston at the marathon. My thoughts quickly reverted to that dreadful morning on 9-11. The day of the dreadful shooting on the Virginia Tech campus. The days were similar. No one was expecting anything this horrific to happen. Lives lost and lives changed forever. These days brought me to tears of gratitude for the safety of my family and friends. 911 and the VT shootings could have had different impacts on my life as family and close friends were "too close for comfort" to the events of those days.
During times like these, I reflect on all of the blessings in my life. Whether those blessings have come through trials or whether we see them as precious gifts - we have all been given them. My blessings include my family - although we don't see each other as often as I would like (life always gets in the way) they are always in my thoughts and prayers. The people that God has placed in my life for sometimes just a moment, for a season or for a lifetime are a precious gift. The trials of my life include my battle with drugs, my bulimia, cancer that struck and took my grandfather, my Aunts - Edythe & Elsie and Alzheimer's that took my grandmother all helped to shape me into the person that I am today. The greatest blessing of all is my daughter, Belinda Heldreth and of course my hubby, Rob.
What are your blessings? Think about all of the things - good or bad - in your life that have helped to shape and guide you to where you are. Hug the ones that you love and tell them that you love them. Reach out to old friends when you are thinking about them instead of waiting for the "perfect moment". Life is short. God has a plan for all of us and although we don't know what it is, we need to savor every moment. Take the good with the bad. Turn it over to God and he will get you through it.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings... Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.
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