Father's Day

Father's Day is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.  Today's blog is in honor of the two men who had the greatest influence on my life - my Pop-pop and my Dad.

My Pop-Pop, my mom's dad, was a typesetter with the Asbury Park Press.  He worked long hours but always had time for his family.  My first memories of him were actually shared by other family members.  See Pop-Pop was the one who taught me to walk with a round hassock and a chocolate chip cookie.  I traveled ALOT with my grandparents when I was younger - seeing the country.  I always managed to come home from a trip with lots of souvenirs and MORE money then I went with.  I always got to keep the change.  The greatest memories were those of when my grandparents drove me to college after every trip home for a visit.  We would pack up the camper loaded with lots of snacks, baked goods (Mom-mom's applesauce cake for all of my friends) and my stuff then head to Rhode Island.  Typically, I would "study" on the back couch but the next thing I knew I would be awakened by Pop-pop telling the gas station attendant that he was taking his granddaughter to college.  They made friends with the guard at the college who let them park in the lot right on campus.  Pop-pop made friends with EVERYONE.  He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  His last days were spent surrounded by family at home - as lung cancer took his life.  You are missed but I know that you are one of my many Weston angels.

Life with my dad had its ups and downs.  Growing up were mostly filled with ups - lots of memories of family vacations and holidays.  My junior year, he and my mom, cooked breakfast for the ENTIRE Junior Class of Ocean Twp HS after the junior prom.  There were some hard years mixed in there too as dad battled with alcoholism and all of the demons that came along with it.  My parents divorced, I shut down - angry and hurt - I stopped talking and seeing my dad.  My Pop-Pop told me, on his death bed, it is time to forgive your father.  It took many years after that before I could start to heal and forgive.  When I went to rehab for my drug addiction, my dad came to visit.  This was the first time that we had spoken in YEARS!  I am still not sure how exactly he heard about where I was, but he traveled to Pennsylvania to talk with me.  That is when the healing began.  Mind you the memories are always there and do come to haunt me at times but I have forgiven him so that we can have a relationship.  I love you Dad!

Unfortunately, Belinda, my daughter, was not blessed with a biological dad who was a part of her life.  As I mended my relationship with my dad, Belinda got to also know her grandfather.  Her ideas of what a dad should be came from her best friend's dad, Bill Loder.  I am grateful that he became her "adopted" dad.  During her teen years, my daughter acquired her step-dad,  Rob.  He will always be there for her and as far as he is concerned, she is the daughter that he never had.

Take a moment today and thank the "fathers" in your life who have made a difference.  Some may be your biological dads, your adopted dads, some may be the dad's of your friends, some may be another male figure who helped to shape your life - whoever it is,  THANK them for all of the blessings that they have given you - even during the trials for it is all of those things that make you the person you are today.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.  

  

In Sickness and In Health

This morning, I am sitting at the hospital waiting... Rob is having a right and left heart catherization today.  To me it is a lot of complex terms that I don't understand.  About 4 weeks ago, he went to the primary doctor for what we thought was a sinus problem.  After almost 3 weeks, he was getting worse instead of better.  Due to his past heart attack, they started to do tests.  The end result - a leaking valve, a weakened heart muscle, irregular heart beats and  pressure around his heart/ lungs (unknown cause).  

During all of this, I have come to better understand my marriage vows.  I know, strange, right? All of this testing in on the eve of our SECOND wedding anniversary.  Rob and I have been together for almost 11 years but only got married 2 years ago.  His second marriage and my first.  Tonight, we were supposed to be in Atlantic City celebrating with dinner and fun at Harrah's which is his favorite spot.  Instead, we are learning to be a team "in sickness".

I am a caregiver by nature - helped my mom after her car accident, helped both my aunts as they struggled and then lost their battle with cancer, and helped my dad as he went for testing. I remember my grandmother taking care of my grandfather at home while he died of lung cancer.    Her countless hours spent caring for him because he wanted to be at home and not in a hospital.  I never thought about what it would really mean in my married life.  I just figured it would be the same social worker/ caregiver mode but it isn't.  My heart breaks seeing him uncomfortable and struggling to keep our life normal. 

My hubby is not a good patient, frustrated with being sick; he hates to be taken care of by anyone.  Most of all he is not good at sharing how he feels about being sick or what is happening.  Thankfully, he has let me be in the exam room so that I can ask questions and try to understand all of this.  He is good at being short-tempered and then apologizing.  Honestly, I am not sure what happened when he had his heart attack 15 plus years ago but from what I can tell, his first wife did not handle things the same way.  I am not saying there was anything wrong with it but it just makes it difficult for us to communicate about health issues now.  Despite my reassurance, I think Rob is afraid that I will leave, not being able to deal with the health issues.  WRONG!  When we married, I made a commitment that I intend to honor - no matter how cranky he gets.

Through all of this, I am growing and becoming more of the wife that I want to be.  The independent, do things on my own without talking them over days are drifting away.  We are a team.  I am blessed to have a hubby who loves me despite the fact that I make him crazy.  I have spent a lot of time in reflection and prayer with God whose arms comfort me when I am weary.  It is with his help and that of my Thirty One sisters that I am learning what marriage is truly about.

If you are married, take a moment to think about your wedding vows...don't let life get in the way.  Work, kids, debt - whatever the struggle can all be worked out when you focus on those vows you took oh so long ago.  Cherish the little moments for life is too short and can be gone in a moment.

Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.

Random thoughts

Good Morning Everyone - today is one of those mornings when I don't have much to say.  AMAZING, right?  LOL.  Just some random thoughts to clear my head.  

Words can't describe the emotions that I had on Monday when I heard about the bombing in Boston at the marathon.  My thoughts quickly reverted to that dreadful morning on 9-11.  The day of the dreadful shooting on the Virginia Tech campus.  The days were similar.  No one was expecting anything this horrific to happen. Lives lost and lives changed forever.  These days brought me to tears of gratitude for the safety of my family and friends.  911 and the VT shootings could have had different impacts on my life as family and close friends were "too close for comfort" to the events of those days.

During times like these, I reflect on all of the blessings in my life.  Whether those blessings have come through trials or whether we see them as precious gifts - we have all been given them.  My blessings include my family - although we don't see each other as often as I would like (life always gets in the way) they are always in my thoughts and prayers.  The people that God has placed in my life for sometimes just a moment, for a season or for a lifetime are a precious gift. The trials of my life include my battle with drugs, my bulimia, cancer that struck and took my grandfather, my Aunts - Edythe & Elsie and Alzheimer's that took my grandmother all helped to shape me into the person that I am today.  The greatest blessing of all is my daughter, Belinda Heldreth and of course my hubby, Rob.  

What are your blessings?  Think about all of the things - good or bad - in your life that have helped to shape and guide you to where you are.  Hug the ones that you love and tell them that you love them.  Reach out to old friends when you are thinking about them instead of waiting for the "perfect moment".  Life is short.  God has a plan for all of us and although we don't know what it is, we need to savor every moment.  Take the good with the bad.  Turn it over to God and he will get you through it.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings... Have a ThirtyOne-derful day.